Peer Support Specialist – CADS AHYS / PPS

CADS - Altered High Youth Service, Pregnancy and Parental Service

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He mihi aroha ki a koe

Ko Maoaua te maunga
Ko Tākitimu te waka
Ko Tutereinga te marae
Ko Ngāti Ranginui te iwi
Ko xxxx tōku ingoa.

Peer Support Specialist

CADS AHYS (Altered High Youth Service) / PPS (Pregnancy & Parental Service)

Tēnā Koutou e hoa ma,

My name is xxxx, I am 38 years old and I am currently employed as the Peer Support Specialist.

It is my absolute privilege to walk alongside our whaiora to support them with challenges that they are facing and in doing this I hope to help them achieve better outcomes for their whānau and tamariki.

My lived experience journey and recovery story

I was raised in West Auckland by my Mother who raised myself and my 3 older brothers.

My brothers spent a lot of time in and out of boys homes and in prison throughout my time growing up. I remember as a child feeling really sad about this because it meant I was with my mum who struggled with life most days. I found it hard to understand but came to understand when I was older.

My mother was diagnosed with Major Depression as a young girl and used drugs and alcohol to self-medicate — this taught me that I could do the same.

I was 11 years old when I first tried Cannabis; by age 13 I was a daily smoker.

Age 14 I first tried Methamphetamine, age 17 I was dealing for a gang and at age 19 I was caught in an operation that landed me in Mt Eden Women’s Prison.

In 2007 I lost both of my brothers to suicide, 23 days apart. This pain changed me. I was angry and the world became black. I was unable to cope. I self-medicated more than ever before and every choice I made was self-destructive — I had lost all hope.

I began intravenously using methamphetamine shortly after they passed. This was the cure for the grief I felt — little did I know where this way of using would take me.

It took me to hell, and that’s where I felt most comfortable.

I was looking at 3–5 years in prison. I was on High Court Bail, my brothers were gone and I felt so alone. I had hit my first rock bottom with what felt like no way out — at this point I did not care if I lived or died.

A couple of weeks before sentencing my oldest brother — who had managed to get clean after losing our brothers — came to me with tears in his eyes and said, “Sister, you need help. Let me help you, please!”

The desperation in his voice was enough and, in a way, I was relieved.

So I agreed and within 9 days I was into social detox, went to court 2 weeks clean and had organised a recovery pathway.

I was sentenced to 2 years in which I spent 12 months on Home Detention.

This was the first time I had been clean since the age of 11. I was released to Higher Ground which I successfully graduated.

Although this has been to date the hardest thing I’ve done, I can honestly say that after I graduated, being and living clean in the community was the happiest I had been since I could remember.

I had been taught a new way to live without the use of drugs.

Make no mistake — my story is one of many lapses, but with these lapses I built resilience. I had opportunity to reflect on why, and understand myself more.

I became a proud Mother at 25 to a beautiful baby girl who changed my life. She gave me purpose and will continue to be my reason why, and the reason I will push myself to become the best version of myself always.

Sadly, not long after I gave birth I lost my mum. Drugs and alcohol, along with grief, sadly ended her life.

My grief was triggered by her death and I went back to old ways to cope with my grief.

My using spiralled out of control and I lost custody of my daughter due to my addiction to methamphetamine.

This was the turning point for me.

I did what I knew worked for me in the past — I removed myself from people, places and things which gave me the opportunity to think about what I wanted for myself and my future.

Today myself and my daughter’s father share care of our daughter and co-parent well — keeping our daughter always at the forefront of our mind in every decision we make.

Today I am employable, I am teachable, I have a beautiful home with food in the cupboards, my bills are paid, I have amazing friends, I am a present Mother and most importantly I have freedom to choose the life I want.

Recovery is a journey. Self-love is a journey. And every day I have a choice.

“The key to my recovery has been building a life for myself that I am not willing to lose.”

It doesn’t matter how many times you fall, as long as you get up and keep doing your best.

One day at a time.

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